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Empowering Kids Through Music

Giving Up

Has your child ever given up on the first try and then refused to try again?

This is a common issue that comes up in learning to play the piano. It’s also an opportunity for students to learn what the process of learning looks like. Students who refuse to try again oftentimes believe that they should be able to get it on the first try, and if they are not successful then they believe they are not good enough. Rather than experience those uncomfortable feelings of not being good enough, they stop. This is the best coping mechanism they have to date.

Where did they come up with this idea that they need to be able to do something new on the first try? It can come from anywhere. One student, after hearing his father make an off-hand comment about a band not being very good, interpreted that comment in his mind to mean he needed to be perfect on the first try so he wouldn’t be in the category of not being very good, and therefore not have his dad’s approval.

Here’s a different tape that I repeat over and over to my students until they get it and experience it for themselves: Learning is a process. It does not happen on the first try. It’s often the 4th or 5th try where you start to get it. You are suppose to stumble around and make mistakes, and keep going until you get it. That is the process of learning.

Some students understand this immediately, for others it can take a few years to actually believe it. (If your child is in the “few years” category, don’t give up on them. They need a parent who believes in them, especially when they don’t believe in themselves).

Students who are perfect on the 1st try are not learning. They are showing what they already know. The process of learning is allowing yourself as many mistakes as you need to work it out. Making peace with this process accelerates learning.

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